Start by documenting what is happening and telling the school
The first step is to report the bullying to your child's school in writing. Call the school's main office and ask for the name and email of the principal or the person who handles bullying complaints — most schools have a designated staff member for this. Send an email that includes the date the bullying started, what is happening (specific incidents, not just "being mean"), who is involved, and whether your child has been hurt or is afraid to go to school.
Keep a record of every incident your child tells you about: the date, time, what happened, who was involved, and any witnesses. Write these down as soon as your child tells you, because dates and details matter if you need to escalate later. Take photos of any physical marks or damage to belongings. This record becomes important if the school does not respond or if the bullying continues after you report it.
Do not assume the school knows about the bullying just because it happens at school. Many incidents happen in hallways, bathrooms, or on the bus where staff are not present. Your written report forces the school to document that you told them and to investigate.
Key Takeaways
- Report bullying to your school in writing with specific dates and incidents, and keep a copy for your records.
- Most states require schools to have a bullying policy and a process for investigating complaints within a set timeframe, usually 10 to 20 school days.
- If the school does not respond or the bullying continues, you can file a formal complaint with your state's Department of Education.
- Your child may have legal rights under federal law if the bullying is based on race, religion, disability, gender, or sexual orientation, which makes it discrimination.
- Document everything in writing and keep copies; email is better than phone calls because it creates a record.
Know your state's bullying law and the school's obligations
Every state has a bullying law that requires schools to have a written policy and a process for handling complaints. The specifics vary by state — some define bullying narrowly, others broadly — but all of them require schools to investigate and take action. Your state's Department of Education website lists the law and what schools must do.
Most state laws require the school to investigate within 10 to 20 school days and to notify you of the outcome. Some require the school to tell you what discipline was given to the student who bullied your child; others do not release that information. The school must also tell you what steps they are taking to prevent it from happening again. If they do not meet these timelines or do not investigate, that is a violation of state law.
Ask the school for a copy of their bullying policy and their investigation procedures. If they say they do not have one, that is a red flag — they are required to have one. Request it in writing so you have proof you asked.
Understand when bullying becomes discrimination under federal law
If the bullying is based on your child's race, color, national origin, religion, disability, gender, or sexual orientation, it may be illegal discrimination under federal law. This is different from general bullying — it means the school has a legal duty to stop it even if the state bullying law is weaker. Schools that receive federal funding (which is nearly all public schools) must follow federal civil rights laws.
Examples include bullying because your child is Black, Muslim, deaf, transgender, or has cerebral palsy. If the bullying is tied to one of these protected categories, the school's failure to stop it can be a civil rights violation. This gives you additional legal options beyond the state bullying complaint process.
Document whether the bullying is connected to a protected category. If your child is being called slurs related to race or religion, or if the bullying started after your child came out as LGBTQ, write that down. This distinction matters for your complaint.
File a formal complaint with your state Department of Education if the school does not respond
If the school investigates but does nothing, or if they do not investigate at all, you can file a formal complaint with your state's Department of Education. This is a free process. You will need to submit a written complaint that includes what happened, when you reported it to the school, and what the school did or did not do in response. Include copies of your emails to the school and your documentation of the incidents.
The Department of Education will investigate the school's handling of your complaint and can order the school to take action. The timeline varies by state, but most investigations take several weeks to a few months. This is slower than going to court, but it does not cost money and you do not need a lawyer.
You can file this complaint while your child is still in school or after they leave. There is no important date in most states, though it is better to file sooner rather than later while evidence is fresh.
File a civil rights complaint if the bullying is based on a protected category
If the bullying is discrimination (based on race, religion, disability, gender, or sexual orientation), you can file a civil rights complaint with the U.S. Department of Education's Office for Civil Rights (OCR). This is also free. You can file this complaint even if you have already filed a state complaint — they are separate processes.
The OCR investigates whether the school violated federal civil rights law. They can order the school to change its policies, train staff, or take other steps to prevent discrimination. You do not need a lawyer to file, though some families do hire one. The OCR has a complaint form on their website, and you can file online or by mail.
There is usually a time limit to file — often 180 days from when the discrimination happened — so do not wait. If you are unsure whether the bullying qualifies as discrimination, file anyway. The OCR will determine whether it meets the legal definition.
Consider whether to hire a lawyer or contact a civil rights organization
If the bullying is severe, ongoing, or based on a protected category, you may want to consult a lawyer who handles education law or civil rights cases. Some lawyers work on contingency, meaning they take a percentage of any settlement rather than charging you upfront. Others charge hourly or a flat fee.
You can also contact civil rights organizations that handle bullying cases for free or low cost. The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), Lambda Legal (for LGBTQ students), and the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP) all handle bullying cases. Many state bar associations have referral services that can connect you with a lawyer in your area who handles these cases.
A lawyer can send a demand letter to the school, which often prompts faster action than a parent complaint alone. They can also represent you if you decide to file a lawsuit, though most bullying cases are resolved through complaints to the Department of Education or the OCR rather than court.
Support your child while the process moves forward
While you are working through the school complaint process, your child needs support. Talk to them regularly about what is happening, listen without judgment, and make it clear that the bullying is not their fault. Some children benefit from counseling or therapy to process what they have experienced. Many schools offer counseling services, or you can find a therapist outside the school.
Ask your child's teacher and school counselor to check in with them regularly and to watch for signs the bullying is continuing. Let them know you are working on the problem and that you take it seriously. If your child is afraid to go to school or is having physical symptoms (stomachaches, headaches, trouble sleeping), tell the school — this information strengthens your complaint.
If the bullying is severe enough that your child cannot safely attend school, ask the school about alternative arrangements while the investigation is ongoing. Some schools will allow a student to change classes, change lunch periods, or attend school part-time while the situation is being resolved.
Frequently Asked Questions
What counts as bullying versus just kids being mean?
Most state laws define bullying as repeated, intentional behavior that causes harm or creates a hostile environment. A single mean comment usually does not count, but a pattern of name-calling, exclusion, threats, or physical aggression does. If your child is afraid, avoiding school, or being targeted because of who they are, it is likely bullying. When in doubt, report it and let the school investigate.
Can the school punish my child for defending themselves?
Schools have zero-tolerance policies that sometimes punish both the student who bullied and the student who fought back. This is unfair but legal in most states. If your child was defending themselves, document that in your complaint and ask the school to consider the context. If your child is punished unfairly, you can appeal the punishment through the school's discipline process or include it in your state Department of Education complaint.
What if the bullying is happening on social media or online, not at school?
Schools can be held responsible for cyberbullying if it affects your child's ability to participate in school or creates a hostile school environment. If your child is being bullied online by classmates and it is affecting their mental health or school attendance, report it to the school. Include screenshots of the posts or messages. The school may not be able to discipline students for off-campus speech, but they can still investigate and take steps to address the impact at school.
How long does it take to resolve a bullying complaint?
A school investigation usually takes 10 to 20 school days. A state Department of Education complaint takes several weeks to a few months. An OCR civil rights complaint can take many months. During this time, the bullying may continue. Ask the school what interim steps they are taking to keep your child safe while they investigate, such as separating the students or increasing supervision.
What if I am not satisfied with the school's investigation?
If the school investigates but you disagree with their findings or think they did not do enough, you can appeal within the school district (ask the principal how) or file a complaint with the state Department of Education. You can also consult a lawyer about your options. Do not assume the school's decision is final — you have the right to challenge it.